OK, I do know that the majority of the members on Javea Connect love and adore animals of all kinds, but especially cats and dogs. I also know that most of you also have a sense of humour but if it will upset you to see a story which is so utterly truthful that it is (IMO) hilarious…. please do not read on.
I found this story last year and saved it but only just came across it again today and I really think that it will amuse many of you, if you have never seen it before…..and I may even be forgiven for the title!! The story originates in Australia.
“Mr Biggles the utter bastard of a cat”
PLEASE NOTE: Mr Biggles is not available for overseas adoption, if you think he’s a bastard normally he’d be 1000% worse after being stuck in quarantine for six months then on a plane. So we’re not going to put anyone’s lives at risk by doing that… Mr Biggles will be adopted locally (that means no interstate either, sorry Aussies). Fans can write to him via [email protected] with your missives of admiration or your own bastard / bitch cat stories (with pictures please!) and Mr Biggles will publish the ones he deems acceptable on his website utterbastardcat.com. Thank you everyone who has written to us about Mr Biggles, we are trying to respond to each and every one of you!
STOP PRESS! Exclusive interview with Mr Biggles now available for viewing by his adoring public. Media requests and applications for slavery to Lord Bigglesworth can be sent to [email protected]. Yes he has his own website, utterbastardcat.com. He’ll be publishing more about his life, including “stalking chickens 101”, “how to play with a dog and not kill it”, “getting what you want from human slaves” and of course what’s he’s well known for… “rip shred tear – being firm with boundaries”.
Mr Biggles (also known as Lord Bigglesworth) is an utter utter utter bastard. He looks gorgeous with his slinky shiny black fur and big yellow eyes… but beware. If he doesn’t like what you’re doing he will give you a nip! Sometimes he likes to swipe at your feet too. It just depends on what he can reach at the time.
Mr Biggles does not like to be thwarted. He throws a catty tantrum if he can’t go outside when he wants to be let out (and he wasn’t allowed outside for the first couple of weeks at his carers house so there was a few tantrums!). Not being fed on time, or allowed to strut across the kitchen benches helping himself to whatever is there is also a tantrum inducing exercise.
Mr Biggles is a despot and dictator, he will let you know he is not happy, which is often because things are often just not up to his high standards. There is some warning that Lord Bigglesworth is displeased with you, his eyes will go dark and tail will start swishing harder. Mr Biggles likes his cuddles on his terms, and will sit in your lap when he decides it’s time. If the stroking is not up to his standards, he will nip you.
Shhhhh… Mr Biggles does have a secret soft side… he plays with kittens and actually does love a cuddle from time to time. He loves to be involved with what you’re doing and loves to have a chat, he will respond if you talk to him. He loves to be out in the backyard stalking the chickens and supervising the gardening, and he has been seen playing with the dog (and not drawing blood).
And now I’m in trouble for telling his softie secrets so I have been ordered to say that Lord Bigglesworth believes he was put on this earth to be decorative and be worshipped by his human slaves!
Mr Biggles is not a cat for the inexperienced or faint hearted. He is a full blooded tomcat with very firm boundaries. Mr Biggles needs an owner that won’t take his nipping personally but won’t let him get away with bad behaviour either. He will make the right person an exceptional feline companion for life, because when he gives his heart it will be absolutely and fully given without return. Are you that one special person for Mr Biggles?
Mr Biggles is a stupidly healthy raw fed cat but he will eat anything including your dinner if he can get away with it. Mr Biggles is desexed, microchipped (#956000006452667), vaccinated, flea treated and wormed ready to go home with the right guardian today.