Ode to St Valentine’s Day

There once was a man name of Phil
Who wanted to treat his wife Jill
But she didn’t need chocs
Or flowers or rocks
Or posh stuff that came with big bill

During lockdown his Jill had gained weight
But Phil knew he had better not state
That she needed less chips
That went straight to her hips
If he wished to avoid deathly fate.

No romantic dinners this year
Can’t even take her to pub for a beer
Can’t hold hands on the beach
Without first bathing in bleach
And snogging with masks on is weird

But Phil was determined to source
A gift that would please Jill, of course
That could tone up her tum
And reshape her bum
That was looking like backside of horse!

Phil consulted his best mate called Mike
Asked him what he thought Jill would like
Mike said “ a new car?”
“Or a day at a spa?
Or perhaps buy her a second-hand bike?”

Phil wondered how much he would pay
If he found one real quick on E-Bay
He bid twenty quid
On one from Madrid
Who promised to send it today!

When he gave it to Jill, she looked glum
Cos the saddle did not fit her bum
But she managed to smile
Took it out for a mile
Then crashed it and broke her right thumb

The bike ended up as a wreck
After poor Jill and cycle hit deck
But things got worse than that
She’d run over a cat
And was then shamed on Javea Connect!